When the Game Changes Mid-Play

Playing a Game Without Your Position

In my last post I explored the idea that we are measuring success in ways that mean we’ll never feel as though we’re enough.  For many neurocomplex brains, the story runs even deeper.  It’s as though the whole game has changed without you in mind.

You start off thinking you know the positions, the strategies, how to train, the expectations, and the rules. You feel confident in your role.  Maybe you’re the striker, reacting quickly, changing tack on instinct, and creating opportunities. You admire the goalie, the steady, anchored role, but you know it’s not yours.

Then, the more you play, the more you realise you’re in a different game altogether. The pace has doubled. The goalposts have moved. The strategy has become super complicated. You’re expected to play flawlessly in multiple positions, remember instructions on the fly, be steady and cool-headed like the goalie in the early games, and do it all at breakneck speed whilst still responding to a stream of feedback. Meanwhile, the crowd is watching, the scoreboard is public, and everyone else seems to be keeping up just fine.

It’s the stuff of nightmares.  Where you wake up relieved, thinking, Thank goodness that wasn’t real.

But what if you wake up and realise this is life?

That’s the reality for many ADHDers, autistic people, gifted people and others with neurocomplex wiring.  It’s about constantly playing a game that was designed without your position included, or worse, designed to undermine it. 

For many neurocomplex people, this mismatch doesn’t just feel uncomfortable. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, fatigue and burnout. You’re not just trying to keep up.  You’re running a race in shoes that don’t fit, on a track that wasn’t designed for you, with a crowd shouting rules that you can’t follow.

And yet, many keep playing. They mask. They strive. They overcompensate. Until one day, they break.

The Evolutionary Advantage of Difference

According to one theory, this mismatch is a modern-day societal design flaw.  In a recent article in Substack Thom Hartmann explores this idea through the lens of ADHD and evolutionary advantage.  He’s long argued that many traits associated with ADHD aren’t signs of dysfunction - they’re qualities that were once critical to human survival. And now, emerging research is catching up.

One study, involving the Ariaal people of Kenya, found that individuals with ADHD traits fared better in nomadic groups, showing higher levels of nourishment and social cohesion.  The same traits were associated with poorer outcomes in settled, agricultural communities. In other words: the same brain, different environment, different outcomes.

A second study used a virtual foraging game; a berry-collecting task designed to simulate resource depletion and decision-making under pressure. Participants with ADHD traits gathered far more berries overall. Why? Because they instinctively knew when to switch strategies and explore new areas.  As Hartmann says, this was “a skill that would have meant the difference between feast and famine for our ancestors”.  In this context, what might be labelled as “impulsive” became efficient, adaptive, and effective.

Shifting the Lens

When we see these traits purely through the rules of our current game, they can look like flaws. But if we step back, they’re simply a different style of play; one that might not match today’s pace or field but could be exactly what wins tomorrow’s match.  For example, we can reframe….

🦅 Scanning for opportunities others miss?

Sometimes labelled as distractibility.

⚡ Making rapid decisions under uncertainty?

Sometimes called impulsivity. 

🎯 Finely tuned to stimulation, novelty and urgency?

Often seen as being inconsistent.

🔭 Creative, big-picture thinking untethered by convention?

Sometimes dismissed as daydreaming.

💥 Perfectly wired for high-movement, high-demand, constantly changing environments?

Often seen as having “too much” energy or being fidgety.

🌙 Naturally suited to protecting the group when others rest?

Often misunderstood as struggling with sleep.

These traits didn’t survive thousands of years by accident. They’ve been carried through generations because they worked, and because, in the right conditions, they still do.  As Harvey Blume wrote:“Neurodiversity may be every bit as crucial for the human race as biodiversity is for life in general.  Who can say what form of wiring will prove best at any given moment?”

The Infinite Game

Simon Sinek talks about The Infinite Game, the idea that in life and leadership, the goal isn’t to “win”, but to keep playing, to adapt, and to create systems that allow everyone to contribute meaningfully over time. That’s only possible when the game allows for multiple ways to play, with space for different strategies, rhythms, and kinds of brilliance.

Widening the Field, Rewriting the Rulebook

Perhaps it’s time to stop forcing every brain to play the short-term, high-stakes, narrow-definition game.  Instead, we could ask: what would an infinite game look like? A game where the rules flex to the players, rather than players breaking themselves to fit the rules.

These brains were part of humanity’s original design, wired for exploration, vigilance, creativity, and adaptation. They thrived in the early rounds of the game.  But over time, the field narrowed, the rulebook shrank, and many have been left trying to succeed in a system that no longer fits.

So, what if we widened the field and re-wrote the rulebook again? What if we built our schools, workplaces, and systems to activate the diverse motivators that already exist in our species? We might find that the traits we’ve been sidelining aren’t weaknesses at all. They’re our best strategy for the next round.

If any of this resonates, and you're curious about how to move forward in a way that works for your brain and your life, I’d love to talk.

Humans need humans — and coaching offers that space and connection to reflect, recalibrate, and reconnect with what truly matters.

Caro